I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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