I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
please come you make the beer taste better
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
