You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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