There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
