You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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