Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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