Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
