I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
