Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
