I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
