Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
