I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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