I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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