my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Do vagina's smell?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
