Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
