kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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