I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
