I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
