I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
