somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
