I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
