We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
