I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
