lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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