I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
