Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
