That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
50% drunk capacity currently
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
