Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
