Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
