found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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