I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
