I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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