I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
