I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
