I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
