im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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