So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
