I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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