1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
