he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
