Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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