I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
