its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just want nice things and good sex
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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