dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
