so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
