so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
