Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm having to shit out rocks
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