Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
