Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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