You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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