Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
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Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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