apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
