bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
