i jhust puked up my retainher.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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