those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
