Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
