She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
