your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
