I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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