I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
