i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
