So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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