i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
