I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
