Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
