Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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