one two three fourrrrnication!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You pole danced in your parka.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
