I CAN MOONWALK!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
