I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
