If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
