I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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