Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
two words...techno handjob
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
