I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
