You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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