Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
