Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
