): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
